Saying No: The Entrepreneur Superpower

As you crawl into bed, you think about the things you’re going to focus on and get done the next day. You even jot them down in your notebook.

You wake up, go to the bathroom (first things first) and are about to head to the lounge to do a guided meditation as planned. But then you spot your phone. It calls to you and draws you in, like the ring in Tolkien’s trilogy. 

Ok, just a quick check my precious.

Before you know it you’re scrolling social media, and reading messages and emails, your heart rate increases and you start to feel a bit overwhelmed. Damn it, you don’t have time to meditate now, there’s too much to do!

A friend messages you to ask if you can do them a favour. You say yes even though you have other things planned.

Once thats done, you spend 2 hours writing a post for your social media channels, even though it's not a priority. As you’re there, you may as well have another scroll. Someone else has shared a post that makes you question what you’re doing. Your head fills with self doubt and different ideas, and you start to feel overwhelmed and confused.

You go for a walk to clear your head.

You return and finally get into something thats important. After an hour, your phone rings. Rather than let it go to voicemail, you choose to answer it. It breaks your concentration and flow. You feel irritated that the person has interrupted you. You engage with them a while and then say “look I'm actually a bit busy right now, can we talk another time”? Then you struggle to get back into what you’re doing. May as well check social media again. Your phone is pinging with messages. Better take a look, it might be something important!

At 5pm you receive an invitation for an evening gathering. You’re tired and don’t really have a desire to go but you say yes anyway because you worry that you might miss out on something.

As you head to bed, you’re exhausted and frustrated. You feel like you haven't stopped all day, yet haven’t made as much progress as you’d wanted to make.

Any of this sound familiar?

As I was thinking about entrepreneur superpowers, I came to the conclusion that, especially at this current time where attention is currency, the ultimate one could be the ability to focus.

HOWEVER, in order to focus on what matters we must hone an ability to say no, to anything which isn’t in alignment with our values, doesn’t support our priorities or drains our energy. For example:

• Opportunities that aren’t aligned with our values and goals
• Clients that aren’t a good fit and may be a nightmare to work with
• Other peoples invitations, requests, wants, expectations or demands
• Distractions (tech device based in particular)
• Unhelpful Habits 
• Whats not working (note that this is a nuanced and debatable topic eg quit too early because we haven’t given it a chance vs keep on at something that really isn’t working or feeling aligned with our values and priorities)
• Relationships that don’t positively serve us.
• Emotional baggage from the past
• Unhelpful mental narratives

So, I’d say, the ability to say no (and hence focus), is possibly the most important skill for entrepreneurs. If you can master it, you’ll save yourself time and energy, minimise stress and overwhelm, and be ahead of 99% of people.

“Most people underestimate the things they have to say no to when building a business. Everything you say yes to is saying no to the thing you say you want most” - Alex Hormozi

Why do we struggle to say no and focus on what matters?

I’d say there's a few reasons, and it will differ depending on the person. I can only get to the root of the matter by exploring it in conversation with them. However in my experience the big ones are:

1. Not being clear on what you want, your values, and what matters to you. This is essential as it acts as a guiding light and helps us to make aligned choices. And if we lose sight of it, we can get lost or confused.  
2. Addiction … to social media and information gathering: Our brains are being hijacked, especially by social media (which I believe is purposefully designed to be addictive, keep us distracted and dumb us down). There's also endless podcasts, books, and videos to consume. You could spend all day every day consuming content, and you’d never get through everything that's interesting to you.This also relates to Perfectionism, a fine form of procrastination if ever I saw one. We think we need to know more and more and it’s never enough, so we keep consuming information and doing courses. However this might actually be holding us back from taking impactful action to create what we want.I've deeply fallen into this trap in the past, and even now, whilst I no longer use any social media (aside from recently joining LinkedIn, which I consider to be more of a business networking and learning site), I still have to be very mindful. I ask myself ... "Is it just interesting, or is it truly helpful? "Is this really the most efficient and effective use of my time"? 
3. Fear of Missing Out: This stems from a mindset of scarcity/lack, losing sight of our priorities, and not trusting ones self. 
4. People pleasing & difficulty with boundaries (with self and others): this is a big one. It's the primary root cause of burnout, and many other challenges in our life and business. As a former grade A people pleaser I’ve experienced the ugly effects. I also made huge shifts in this area, so its something I know alot about. Almost everyone I work with has issues with people pleasing and boundaries. The root of this is being scared of potential conflict, criticism, and ultimately rejection. Healthy boundaries are rooted in self respect. When we deeply respect ourselves and honour our own needs, we are better able to say no to people, environments, habits and opportunities that aren’t aligned with, or supportive of, the life we want.

Regardless of the reasons, we do it to ourselves. We create the problem through our choices. And then get stressed out about it.

“You do it to yourself you do, and thats why it really hurts, you do it to yourself, just you, you and no one else. You do it to yourself” (From the song “Just” by Radiohead)

I see it all the time with clients and potential clients

I often hear “I don’t have enough time to get everything done” and “Im overwhelmed”.

They are often trying to do too much and it's keeping them stuck, or at least slowed down.

“I don’t have enough time” sure is a common complaint, but what does that statement even mean? Let’s say they get 8 hours sleep a night, which leaves 16 waking hours in a day. It's not a shortage of time, it's a matter of priorities. They are choosing what they say yes and no to. 

One of the first things I help them do, is get clear on their values, what they want, and their priorities. Then we explore what they’re actually spending their time and energy on i.e. what they’re saying yes to. Through a reductive and simplifying approach, we establish what they need to say no to. 

Over time, we work to build greater competence in boundaries with themselves and others, change unhelpful perspectives and mental narratives, release emotional baggage, and shift any addictions/habits that are getting in the way. All of this helps them to say no to whats not aligned or best serving them, and simultaneously, I keep them focused on the next priority steps, and then the next, and so on.

Theres always a cost to your dreams ...

What price are you willing to pay? What are you prepared to sacrifice? What will you say no to? What will you stop?

Saying no, being discerning about what we say yes to, doing less things, and simplifying, enables us to focus on what matters most and will best move the needle, allowing us to be more productive and make more progress, with LESS stress or overwhelm.

Remember…

When we say yes to what’s not important, we are saying no to what is.

When we say no to whats not important, we are saying yes to what is.